We Might As Well Be Strangers
by upchitzcreek
Summary: What if your life was slowly falling apart? You've alienated yourself from your family and friends and have no where left to turn. Can you pick up the pieces and move on, or does it take someone special to remind you of who you are?
1. I Guess I'll Go Home Now

An: So here's my new story. It's kinda dark, but I don't feel it is 100% of the time. Thanks Vivi for pushing me to do this, although all you said was, "you don't need me why did you ask?" LOL. I needed something new, I'm boring myself. And I feel like I'm boring all of you. I hope you guys take to this story. My original idea was to have Serena's college roommate killed and Serena saw the whole thing and had to recover but then a few things didn't work out as I planned them out. Hopefully this idea sticks. If anything I could write my first idea if people ask me to. Please Review. I need to know whether or not to stick with this one.

* * *

Serena sat on her kitchen floor, with an ice pack in one hand and dry blood on the other. She slowly started to regain the feeling in her left cheek. She felt the bump on her face and winced in agony. Her fingers felt the familiar bruises. A voice in her head tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. She put her hand up against the sink and finally managed to stand. When she felt herself begin to slide again, she reached for a chair. She heard the door open and braced herself for the aftermath.

"Hey baby." He extended his hand with a dozen roses.

"Hi."

"Look, I'm sorry." He pulled a chair next to her.

"I know." Serena spoke the words knowing she's said them a thousand times.

"It's just when you told me that you were going, I didn't realize you meant to visit your mom."

"I should of been more clear." Serena tried to end the conversation.

"You really should. I don't want this to happen next time." He grinned.

"I just have therapy this afternoon, then catching a train home."

"You really think you should leave in this condition? And why are you still seeing this lame shrink."

"It's court ordered. The judge wanted me to see a shrink after what happened with my family." Was the lie Serena playful told.

"What am I going to do for a week without you?"

"It might be two if my grandma's health is that bad."

"Two weeks? I dunno."

"I'll call you everyday."

"Fine. I'll just miss you baby." He kissed her check. Serena gave a half smile.

She took the roses from his hand and gave them a quick smell. She smiled, thinking this time she finally made it through a morning. Last nights hit left her in that kitchen all night. He stormed off to some bar and probably picked up some random chick, who then threw a drink in his face. She took a vase from the cabinet. Holding it in her hand made her remember the time he broke two vases. He was so drunk that night. He came home to find Serena missing, when really she just had a late night at work. When she got home, all hell broke lose. But she'd rather forget that night.

She did her best to cover up the small bruises on her face. The bigger ones were hidden beneath clothing. He rarely went for her face. If he went for her face too often, people would start to ask questions. She got in her car and was off to therapy. The one place she didn't mind going, when she controlled the conversation.

* * *

The waiting room smelt a bit musky. It was hard to determine and exact odor. Serena picked a part random things like this all the time. It kept her sane. She made sure that she was the only appointment that Dr. Berkmen had. She hated people seeing her in therapy. She dreaded seeing someone that might know her or even her family. She couldn't take the risk of that. She needed privacy.

"Serena, I'm ready for you."

"Thank you so much for changing the appointment."

"It's fine." The tall woman replied as she sat in her chair.

"I'm going home to see my family, like you suggested."

"Serena, I've know you for two months, and in that time I've learned nothing about you. Other than stuff with your mother and Blair."

"That's all you need to know, really."

"Clearly, you've rehearsed this."

"What?"

"The most common trait of abusive relationships forces the women to talk only about the ill fate of her family. Get as far away from the boyfriend subject as possible."

"I am not in..."

"Save it, that bruise can be seen from space. I won't tell. I can't."

"It's not like that. I love him."

"I know you do, they always do." Dr. Berkmen wished she could snap sense into Serena.

"I'm not some textbook case. He has a very stressful job and I only add to it."

"What was the first argument you two had? Before the fists."

"Jake saw me with an ex and thought it meant more. After that he stopped trusting me and started drinking."

"How many times has he hit you?"

"Three. But one time it wasn't really hitting. He pulled my hair and I jerked back into the wall."

"Has he ever tried going for the face before."

"No. This time I tried to fight back so he grabbed my face."

"Now, hearing yourself say this does nothing? It doesn't want to make you leave?"

"I'm not strong enough to leave. I lost my best friend. There's no one left on my side."

"Blair left after you refused to leave Jake?"

"She said she'd go to the cops or blackmail him, but it only made it worse. That was the worst beating I took."

"And your parents? Your step family?"

"It's better they stay out of it. I've been living in Connecticut for two years now. They don't know anything."

"I want you to try something when you're in New York. Find something that makes you feel safe. It can be a place, a thing, a person, something that's just for you. Find that something that will give you hope. I want you to hold onto it. So the next time you come back and see Jake, you will have something to look forward to. You are not helpless Serena. I don't know why you stay with this man. Report back to me when you get home."

"Thank you Doctor." Serena nodded and got up from the couch.

"Remember Serena, it doesn't have to be this way." Dr. Berkmen yelled to get Serena's attention.

* * *

_It doesn't have to be this way? Yeah, okay. _Serena thought to herself. She kept an ice pack on her face the whole ride in so that the swelling would go down. They always make it seem like it's that much easier to leave. She couldn't leave him, he needed her. He was there for her when she needed someone the most. When she left New York to attend something for her boarding school she got into a bad car accident. Her friend was driving and was killed by a drunk driver. When Serena was in the hospital Jake's grandma was her roommate. The two spoke everyday. Lily visited a few times, but had to deal with her own sickness. Even when Jake's grandma was released he still visited Serena. He sat with her the five hours she was allowed visitors and they talked about everything. They slowly started to date and even fell in love, but we all know how this story turned out. Blair told Serena she was trapped but Serena refused to believe so. She did love Jake, maybe not like before, but she loved him. All these thoughts encompassed her mind as the train finally came to a stop. She quickly covered her face up before leaving the train. She grabbed her bags for the over head and went into the station. Grand Central Station felt all too weird. It was just a few years ago that she came back and caused all sorts of "havoc." Remembering those times made her happy, if only for a moment.

"Serena?"

Serena turned around to see Dan Humphrey, her ex-boyfriend standing in front of her. The scene felt all too familiar, but nice. It was scary that they would meet again like this.

"Hi, Dan." She replied softly.

"Wow. I never thought you were coming home."

"I had to eventually."

"What happened to your face?" Dan tried to touch the bruise, but Serena backed away.

"You know me, big ole klutz. I ran into a wall or something." Serena felt the red bump she thought went away on her face.

"You want to grab coffee or something? Maybe a steak for your face." Dan laughed.

"I'd like that, but I should check into my hotel first."

"You're not staying with your mom?"

"This was one of those surprise visits." Serena frantically nodded.

"Well, my number is the same. Call me when you want that coffee." Dan smiled and picked up his bags.

Serena watched as her old flame walked away. The words safe were being chanted over and over in her head. He could of pressed the issue of the bruise, like most people would, but he didn't. He knew he had no place asking since he was a fixture in her life for the past two years. But maybe, one day would change all that.


	2. The Town You Left

**AN: School has started which means updates are gonna come at random times. Sometimes I'll update a lot sometimes not at all. Also there's the review factor. Lately I've been getting zero reviews. I know you all are busy but I can't continue unless I know how you guys react to things. So please review.**

* * *

Serena couldn't help but wake up with a smile on her face. Her cheek still hurt like hell, but her heart didn't. Having an actual conversation that didn't have to do with therapy or yelling was nice; it was normal. It was strange to her that two adults could carry a conversation like that. She called her mom from her hotel last night. She had set up to meet her for brunch at the house. She assumed the Humphreys would be there since Serena's return was so sudden. Lily always had the whole family come over anytime one of their own came home. Never met them all showed up. But the Humphreys were people you could count on. She ignored the maid service at the door and replied that she would make her own bed and needed privacy. She brushed her hair a few times before deciding that she should try to cover most of her face with her hair as possible. Dan might of not pressed the issue, but Rufus would.

She continued with thoughts of her day and family as she took a town car over to her moms. Lily had finally received a clean bill of health and decided that she was not going to let much get her down. She wanted to enjoy life and her family, starting with Serena's return home. Serena didn't know it yet but Lily planned on persuading her oldest child to move back home. She wanted her entire family in the same zip code, whether she could help it or not.

Serena made her way to the elevator. Pressing her old floor felt surreal. She was home. But it felt like an old memory, one that wasn't the same with Blair. Lily waited for her daughter by the elevator door. Hearing the little bell go off made her heart beat just a tad faster.

"Serena, my darling. How are you?"

"Mom, I'm good."

"It feels like forever since you've been home."

"Two years is a long time."

"Too long. Come. Join the family."

Serena say Jenny, Erik, and Rufus sitting at the table. There was juice, bagels, crepes, bacon, eggs, and the ever favorite waffles, surrounding the table. Serena's eyes looked for Dan, but he was not to be found. Rufus must have caught a glimpse of Serena's wandering eyes and answered.

"It's so nice to have both you and Dan back in town."

"Dan was away?"

"He was in Hudson with his mom for the past 6 months."

"Oh. Everything okay?"

"He was helping her setup a new gallery. She needed some man power." Rufus laughed.

"Mom always knew how to guilt Dan into saying yes."

"Talking about me?" Dan emerged from the elevator.

"Always son."

"What's new?" Dan stuffed a crepe is his mouth.

"Just about to ask you both that, you two were the ones that were away." Rufus started making plates.

"We actually ran into each other last night. At the train station." Dan finally took a seat.

"Yeah me and Dan have a flair for that." Serena nodded.

"So where's your girlfriend Dan?" Jenny prodded.

Serena looked down at the floor. The thought of Dan having a girlfriend completely ruined her mood. Not that she would actually act on anything right away, but now the fact that she couldn't, hurt.

"Emily, wasn't feeling well. She thinks it's one of those 24 hour things."

"What a shame." Lily was compassionate.

"Lily tells me you've been seeing someone as well Serena." Rufus sipped coffee.

"Yeah. His name is Jake. We met a little over a year ago."

Serena searched for Dan's reaction but didn't find one. He seemed more interested in stuffing his face then wondering about her boyfriend. She could play the relationship up a bit, see if he'd care but it sounded pathetic. To base a lie off a relationship that was in the crapper.

"What are your plans now? I find it hard to believe you can stay away from New York for too long."

"Well mom, it's just a visit."

"Serena van der Woodsen, officially uprooting?" Dan glared.

She hated when people used her full name, but when Dan said it, it sounded right.

"We all have lives to get back to." Serena justified her answer.

"Well I have to go." Dan wiped his mouth. "I have manuscripts to read."

"I'll walk you out." Serena jumped up.

"But you just got here." Lily moaned.

"I should try and see Blair. Last time I left here we didn't speak for awhile."

"Call me tonight then, we will have a shopping day."

"Deal." Serena threw her napkin down and made her way towards the elevator.

"In a hurry?" Dan laughed as he just squeezed into the elevator.

"Just wanna get as much done as possible."

"I'm glad you're home. NY just isn't the same."

Serena's heart started beating faster.

"Well, I'm sure you managed to get by."

"You have to learn how to survive, right? Besides, you have yourself a life, a boyfriend."

"Yeah, it's a life."

"I don't want you to think I haven't missed you, just cause we haven't kept in touch."

"Dan, it's not like I've really tried to."

"I know, but we're more than family Serena. You're apart of me, I should of tried a little harder."

"You have a job and a girlfriend to focus on."

"Why are you pushing me away Serena? Normally you'd glob up all this."

"Why stress on what should of happened." Serena responded and left the elevator. Leaving Dan with his mouth open and something to think about.

Serena walked out so fast that she wasn't paying attention and bumped into someone. She let out a heavy sigh and helped the brunette pick up her magazines. The brunette lifted up her hat and rolled her eyes. Blair could not believe that her ex best friend was standing right next to her, and didn't say anything.

"Well well, I always knew you'd come back to knock me down."

"B?"

"Don't act so surprised. NY isn't that big."

"I was just coming to see you."

"Save it, I have to go meet Nate."

"B, I'm being honest."

"And how do you manage to hide that orbit on your face? I'm sure you get glares."

"No one really asks."

"I'm sure they all know."

"We can't even be civil on the streets?" Serena managed to fight back tears.

"You'll have to excuse me, when my best friend told me to butt out of her life 6 months ago, I took it to heart. I've stopped wondering whether or not Jake punched you or not." Blair let a tear escape her eye.

"So this is it then. We're not friends?"

"We can only bounce back from so much. You told me to back off and I will. You told me to let you fight your own fight and I will. But I don't need to watch this happen and be forced to be silent."

Blair ripped the last magazine from Serena's hand. She looked into Serena's eyes and saw a void. There was no longer the same glimmer, no hope, nothing. Just blank spaces between her retina and lids. This was how a life long friendship would play out. Fightin on the streets in Manhattan, with no one waving the white flag in surrender.

* * *

AN: I know the end is harsh, but she can't make up with people in the second chapter.


	3. Their Fault

AN: My laptop is crap. I dunno whats wrong with it and my other computer has a virus. So I haven't been able to write. I've been in a rut, you all can tell by now. I'm thinking about ending everything but this and Save Me. A fresh start might do me some good.

* * *

Serena felt the tears poor down her face. This open fallout with Blair was too much for her to take. She couldn't do this anymore. Life in New York wasn't what she planned on coming home too. Life with Jake was too hard. She didn't know where she belonged anymore. She hid near a side street so that she'd go unnoticed. She didn't need anyone to see her like this, and god forbid post it on Gossip Girl, if it was even around. Serena felt the cool air hit her bruise. The pain rushed over her face and made her fall to her knees. _How did life get like this? _ That was the only thought that encompassed her mind. How did she let things go so far with Jake? She was a Van der Woodsen, they're better than this. If her mother or even grandmother found out about Jake, the real Jake, they would surely have some fool proof plan on how to deal with the matter. The fact was, if Serena told them what her life was really like, she knew Lily would baby her and never let her leave the house ever again.

"Serena?"

Serena wiped the last tear from the corner of her eye before facing the voice.

"I'm fine."

"Are you? Cause I see it differently."

"Go away Nate."

"Something is wrong. Blair told me..."

"Blair told you that she yelled at me. Made a mockery of my apology."

"She told me you were back in town."

"I'm sure that's not how she worded it."

Nate laughed. Same old Serena, same old Blair. Neither wanting to let go.

"We're getting married."

"What?"

"Yeah. I proposed two weeks ago."

"Congrats Nate."

"I'm sure she wanted to call."

Serena just nodded. She was missing out on so much. And now she'd never get to be apart of her best friends wedding day. Her life had gone so off course. She told Nate she needed some time to herself, and not to tell Blair they talked. Serena needed to be the one to make things right, but she would have to make the first move.

* * *

After wandering around for an hour, she made her way to Brooklyn. She hoped Dan had still lived in the loft. She carefully knocked on the door, hoping she wasn't about to make a fool of herself. When she saw it was a girl who answered the door, a lump grew in Serena's throat. She must have the wrong place.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry, I must have the wrong loft."

"Who were you looking for?"

"Um, Dan Humphrey. He use to live here."

"He still does."

"What?"

"I'm his girlfriend, Emily." The pretty brunette smiled and extended her hand.

"I'm...um...Serena."

"Dan's in the shower. He let me crash here while I'm in town. You can wait inside if you want."

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks."

Serena nervously smiled. Emily continued to get ready. Serena watched as she slipped her jewelry and her high heels. She wanted to say something but felt it would just come out as rude.

"Hey Em..." Dan lowered the towel from his head to see Serena standing there.

"Serena stopped by."

"Oh. Something wrong?"

"I just needed to talk to you about something."

"You didn't want to talk after breakfast." Dan was snippy.

"I'll leave you two alone. This sounds like family stuff." Emily smiled and kissed Dan.

Serena gave an annoyed smile and wait for Emily to leave before speaking. Emily wasn't worried about having Serena there because she was "family", or that's how Serena took it.

"So?"

"Did you know Nate and Blair are engaged?"

"Yes. Nate told me." Dan quickly threw on a shirt.

"Oh."

"Don't tell me you didn't know?"

"Blair hasn't spoken to me in six months."

"Another Blair-Serena fallout doesn't surprise me, but six months?"

"One of those things neither can get passed I think."

"What was it?"

"Nothing."

"Clearly it's more than you let on."

"Just drop it."

"There you go again, pushing me away."

"It just doesn't concern you." Serena yelled.

"Look, you came here to see me. Was it just for the Blair thing? Cause you could of just called or texted me for that."

"I should go." Serena fought back tears.

She slammed the door behind her and ran down the steps, not allowing herself to stop. It literally hurt to breathe. Everyone was against her. No one cared enough to just forgive her or stop yelling. They were making the problem worse. It was their fault.

She dug her phone out of her purse and hit two. Everything was at a rapid pace at this point.

"Hey babe, miss me yet?" Jake laughed.

"Hey, things are touch and go here. I might be back soon though."

"Please come back, I miss you."

Serena smiled but then heard a girl's voice in the back. She shook her head and blew it off.

"I'm sure you found some way to occupy yourself."

"What does that mean. You're such a bitch!"

"You think I don't hear someone there? You accuse me of cheating on you all the time, while you go out and get hard for every girl you see."

"That's enough. Don't fucking talk to me like that!"

"Maybe we do need this time apart." Serena threw her phone to the ground. She wanted to scream.

"You haven't changed." Blair sized up her ex best friend.

"Blair."

"He always gets into your head. You swear you'll leave, then he tell you that you're pretty and he needs you."

"What are you doing here?"

"Dropping something off to Dan. He's in the wedding."

"Were you ever gonna tell me? Or just let me see the big spread in the paper."

Blair parted her lips. She waited for words to come out but they didn't. Serena was right, she would of just let her see a big news section on her wedding. She would call and gloat eventually. Blair realized that they were two different people, neither wanted to apologize and take the full blame. What's the point?


	4. The Times That Change Us

**AN: OMG! It's like you're all seeing a ghost or something. Who honestly thought I was ever coming back to writing? Not me. I got sucked into the world of vidding and haven't looked back. Also I haven't been watching GG. But I watched 4x12 (i think) and the end kinda pulled me back. Then school happened, and you know the drill. I sound like a broken record who probably has lost of of her readers. So sad, this and A World Away were my babies who I should of tried harder for.**

* * *

Serena and Blair stood on the Brooklyn street fro what seemed like years. Both of them had tears in their eyes and mascara was started to run. Neither of them caving in to say the first word. Blair was too headstrong. Serena made her bed, now she had to lay in it. Serena was too scared. Blair always made a big deal of everything. One wrong word and boom, relationship over. Serena could use a technique she learned in therapy but she just didn't see the use to it. Blair held the long box against her chest. It was the only barrier between her and Serena, unless you counted the silence. Blair nodded her head and made her way towards the loft. Serena felt her legs go weak as she collided with the hard pavement. She didn't even bother to get up, she just became one with the concrete.

Blair frantically knocked on the door. She wanted to be inside the loft for as long as she could. Dan opened the door in just his jeans. He had been interrupted enough trying to get dressed.

"Expecting someone, Humphrey?" Blair mocked.

"No. Serena just left as I was getting dressed."

"Didn't take you two that long to fall into bed together again."

"She came here to ask about you."

Blair's eyes widened. She went to Humphrey? All of people. Granted they grew closer because of Nate and their school schedule, but still.

"Oh."

"I'm surprised you didn't just run into. She left seconds ago."

"I may or may not have seen a person fitting her description." Blair nervously commented.

"What is with you two? What is so big that you two can't get passed?"

A light went off in Blair's mind. She hadn't told Dan. Dan, after Blair of course, was the person Serena told everything to. He offered that unbiased opinion everyone searched for. She could of outed Serena right there. Been a huge tattle tail like when they were younger, but she couldn't. It wasn't her place to act like that. Not anymore.

"You know us, everything just hit us at once."

"It's a shame. Why let one thing keep you from one of your best relationships. It always felt like you two would be best friends forever."

"And it always felt like you two would be making me gag forever. People change Humphrey." Blair gave a half hearted smile.

"People adapt to situations, they don't change who they are. And well, she has a new boyfriend to make you get all sick over."

"So you know about Jake?"

"Yeah."

"And you're okay with it?" Blair's eye grew tense. If Humphrey knew and did nothing, it was truly the end of Serena.

"I know where this is headed. You want to make me sound like the jealous ex so you and Serena have something to talk about. You know, break the ice."

"You truly are one of a kind, Humphrey."

Blair extended the package towards Dan. There was a note attached to it. She gave a simple wave and exited the loft. When the cold air hit her skin Blair felt a rush of something. Sh couldn't explain this new found emotion. She hated how Dan's words stuck with her. She turned towards the town car when she heard sobbing. It was Serena. Life couldn't get anymore pathetic for her, could it?

"Do you want a ride?"

Serena looked up and saw Blair. Her tears began to stop.

"I'm fine." Serena jaw fell slightly to the left.

"You sure look that way. I'm just offering you a ride, we don't even have to speak."

"So now bringing up who know who?"

"The name escapes me." Blair tried to joke around.

She extended her hand to Serena pulling her up off the ground.

* * *

The ride was just like Blair promised, no acknowledgement of each other. Well other than the occasional glare or awkward moment when they caught the other fidgeting around.

"I just want to say I really am happy for you. You and Nate deserve happiness."

"You do too."

"Who says I'm not..."

"Stop it. Let's not go there."

"Who's your maid of honor?"

"Dorota will be standing next to me. It seems fitting."

Serena really hoped that Blair would of said something different. That no one would stand next to her because no one but her belonged there. Why was she always doing this? Setting herself up just to be kicked down.

"Besides, the only friend that would of been up there was you."

Serena couldn't even respond to that. He phone started vibrating. She reached in her bag but ignored the call. She was too much in a wreck to deal with anyone.

"I'm guessing that was, you know who." Blair rolled her eyes.

"Uh, no. That was my therapists."

"You're getting help." Blair's mood sounded cheery.

"It started out as a way to help deal with my dad, then shifted to other stuff."

"It's a start. Do you talk about me?"

"Yes. I talk about everyone that matters." Serena guided her hand towards Blair's.

"You need to tell Humphrey."

"What?"

"He showed concern when we talked about you, briefly." Blair's eyes shifted.

"He was talking about me."

"There's the old Serena. Already scheming on how to get the guy."

"Only this time, there was no guy to get." Serena's eyes fell. Dan had a girlfriend and ridding her life of Jake would be impossible.

"What if I told you that Emily isn't as innocent as Dan thinks. Everyone has a secret." Blair sipped on her champagne.

* * *

**AN: Was that good enough for a comeback?**


End file.
